


The Filfy Wizard

by NocturneBlaze



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Other, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-06 21:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3149711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NocturneBlaze/pseuds/NocturneBlaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Princess Ross gets kidnapped by a dragon. All the knights of the kingdom, as well as one lowly peasant, set off to rescue him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Shaelah

Once upon a time, as all fairy tales begin, there lived a handsome princess named Ross. Princess Ross lived with his mother and father, who were the King and Queen of a kingdom far far away. 

Ross was the most beautiful young man in the entire realm, and his good looks were sought after by many. Men and women alike would boast of how THEY would be the one to claim his hand in marriage. But Ross didn’t want to get married, and why should he? His parents respected his decision at first, believing him to merely be a late bloomer, but as he grew older they began to worry that he might miss his chance.

One afternoon the Queen and King had decided to speak with Ross and demand that he choose a suitor to marry, but when they entered his room their princess was nowhere to be found. Instead they discovered a marking scorched across the wall, the mark of a feared dragon.

One inhabitant of the realm had desired Princess Ross more than all the rest, but not for his looks like many others, instead this inhabitant desired Ross for the power. The fearsome orange dragon known as Smith had kidnapped the princess, hoping to use the power that could only be found within.

The King and Queen immediately summoned all of the knights in the kingdom to their court. The King rose to his feet, his bottom lip wobbling as he thought of his poor kidnapped son, and addressed the court, “Whomever can rescue the princess from the lair of Smith the Orange, and slay the dragon so that it will never plague our land again, will be granted-“ He paused, it felt horribly wrong to go against his sons wishes, he opened his mouth to continue, but instead of the words a large sob escaped his throat.

The Queen rose to support her husband and finished for him, her eyes scanning the crowd of knights, suddenly she considered that the princess might have reasons to refuse marriage, but the Queen needed her son back safe at home, and so, hoping that one of the kinder knights would succeed, she finished the decree, “Will be granted the princesses hand in marriage.”

Chris Trott was just a lowly bar hand at the local pub, and tonight it was crowded. Dozens of knights had come in to drink their fill before setting off in the morning to rescue the princess. The knights were happy to push the lowly peasant around, demanding more drink and pinching his bottom. Having to deliver drinks all evening put him in the centre of the crowd, and being there he overheard many snippets of conversation.

“Oh I’d love to get my hands on that princess, he’s just so pretty.” The knight practically spat the word.

“Wonder why the thing hasn’t gotten married yet, maybe he’s defective.”

A particularly mean looking knight grinned, “Oh the things I’d do to him, bend him over a table and make him beg for me to stop.”

And just like that, the conversation of the entire pub turned to a twisted competition of who could think of the most vile thing to do to the princess.

Trott’s stomach dropped, the princess was not a prize to be owned and used. The princess was clever and kind and deserved far better than these knights, these knights who were considered the best in the entire kingdom. Trott knew he didn’t stand a chance against any of them, but he had to try. He simply couldn’t allow the princess to be claimed by one of these disgusting creatures.

So Trott abandoned his duties at the pub and ran home, perhaps if he left immediately, he would be able to beat the knights to the princess. He stole his family’s old rusted sword and climbed atop their ostrich, and at midnight he began riding towards the Blackened Tower, known throughout the land as the lair of Smith the Orange.

Mere hours later, far to the east in the Crumbling Mountains, the sun was just rising over the peaks. As dawn broke the sky was set alight, brighter and more fiery than the dragons scales. Smith dove into the mountains below, spiraling towards a dark tower hidden deep in the valleys. The princess woke in his talons and screamed as they plummeted towards the ground, sure that this would be his death. But Smith needed Princess Ross alive, his wings unfurled as they approached the ground, slowing their descent to a gentle flutter. The dragon placed Ross softly on the ground, and then it backed away a short distance.

Its chest rumbled and the ground shook, the beast threw its head back and barred its fangs, its jaw slowly opening. Ross dove for cover behind a broken slab of tower wall, surely now, now would be when the dragon would toast him… but instead of flames licking their way out of the dragons throat, came a deep hearty… chuckle? Very hesitant, Ross peered out at the dragon. It rolled over onto its back and tilted its head towards him, lips pulling back once again to expose its sharp fangs. Ross ducked, and was immediately met with a low keening whine. He chanced another glance, was this dragon… grinning at him?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The knights begin their journey with violence, Trott continues his with a nap, Ross explores the tower, and the dragon snores.

A few hours after their landing, the sun also rose in the capital city; hung over knights clambered onto their horses and rode off towards the Greywode Forest. They rode fast, each trying to outpace the other, but soon it became obvious that there were just too many of them for any to stand much of a chance at claiming the princess for themself. One knight unsheathed his sword and rode to attack another, and his actions prompted many others to also attack in the hopes of thinning the competition.

As they fought amongst themselves, three knights continued forward to rescue the princess, having agreed to not compete with each other. The goal after all, was to return the princess home.

Exhaustion caught up with Trott at noon, he was deep into the Greywode Forest, but the trees would grow thicker yet ahead. Eric the ostrich had halted, refusing to go another step until after a much needed nap, and although Trott wished to continue on, he could not stop a large yawn from escaping. However tired he was, he knew that the knights were much faster on their horses, and he had to reach the Princess before them. So instead of taking a needed nap while the ostrich snored, he began gathering edible herbs and berries to sustain Eric and himself on their journey.

After only the briefest of hours he returned to his ostrich having eaten his fill and with plenty extra in his pack, he woke Eric and allowed his steed to graze on the leaves for a few minutes before hopping back up and urging the ostrich onwards. Exhausted as Trott was, riding atop Eric soon felt almost rhythmic and soothing, and after far too many hours of wakefulness, he fell asleep. And Eric, who after far too few hours of napping was still worn out, lay down on the forest floor, careful not to wake his master, and slept as well.

After their strange introductions, the dragon had nudged Ross into the tower. The dragon barely squeezed through the doorway and once inside the tower he took up half the room, he crouched low, almost slithering along the stone floor to avoid bumping the already crumbling ceiling. Spiraling steps led around the inner wall of the tower and up to the higher floors, Ross hardly needed to make a size comparison to know the dragon wouldn’t possibly be able to fit.

The dragon confirmed his confinement to the ground floor by rolling onto his side and letting out a puff of smoky breath, he was obviously resigned to sleep down here, and soon he was. Ross sat on the second step and stared perplexed at the massive hulking monster that had kidnapped him; the hulking monster that despite all the lore on dragons had yet to try to eat him. Ross considered that the dragon was suffering from exhaustion; it had been a long flight, over 24 hours, after Ross had initially been snatched from his bed, but he remembered its’ grin and gentle nature. Perhaps this dragon was just _weird._ Its’ maw opened and let out an earth rumblingly loud snore, and Ross decided that yes, the dragon was weird.

With ringing ears, Ross decided that he needed to get as far away from the dragon as possible or risk going deaf, and because the dragons massive arse was blocking the only way in our out of the tower, the only way to go was up.

The architecture of the place was horrendous. Only one door, not a window in sight, and as was made apparent from outside, the entire top floor along with the roof had been toppled onto the courtyard below. Probably when the dragon decided to chase out the previous occupants; previous occupants with terrible aesthetic, so he didn’t exactly feel much sympathy for them. The tower could, and _should_ have windows, if only every available wall wasn’t lined with shelves, books and scrolls forcibly jammed into every available space.

Ascending the steps to the first floor revealed a library, as if the massive collection of… he curiously skimmed the spines “A Practical Companion To Raising Griffins”, “1886 Tricks To Countercursing”, “Mystical Plants Of The Northeast”… magic books apparently, and they weren’t even sorted by subject matter, or sorted at all, just hoarded awa- for a dragon hoard, magic books were, uh, different. He continued up the tower and found himself to be standing in the middle of a laboratory, while there were still far more books than anyone could possibly read, a small section of the walls was instead dedicated to a collection of jars holding what appeared to be very badly preserved animals and plants. A large cauldron took up the center of the room, and next to it sat a cramped desk covered in heaping piles of what could only be described as junk.

He climbed the stairs again, hoping to find a bed somewhere in this mess, but instead came up to what was now the top floor of the tower. Stones were littered across the floor and looking upwards revealed the morning sky. He climbed atop a rubble heap and peered over the edge of the wall, sure enough, scattered across the courtyard as he knew it would be, was the ceiling of this room and the entire topmost floor.

No bed. Ross fumed, the nap he caught in the bastard’s talons on the way here couldn’t by any measures be considered restful, he was tired! Ross stormed down the steps mumbling angrily to himself and marched straight up to the still snoring dragon to prod it in the underbelly “HEY! YOU MASSIVE NERD, WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP!?”

Smith the Orange whined sleepily at his rude awakening, and a wing darted out to engulf Ross, dragging him into the dragons chest and pinning him there. Ross squirmed and grumbled quietly. At least the dragons scales were warm. The entire tower was definitely getting rebuilt to include a bedroom though. Tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dragons make terrible chefs, Ross tries to escape, and Trott entices Eric to move faster with promises of a very big lizard to snack on.

Trott woke as the sun was setting, cozy and warm on a feathery- “Eric!” He prodded the ostrich, “Come on you lazy beast, we’re losing our lead!” Trott forced Eric to stand, ate a far too light dinner, and climbed atop the ostrich urging him forwards.

Although he didn’t know it, Trott really didn’t need to worry about the knights. The three that had ignored the infighting were among the older knights and moved, despite their rush, rather slowly; they had barely made it into the forest before breaking for lunch, and only six hours later had stopped again for dinner, set up their camp and gone to sleep.

The rest of the knights, save one, had died in the bloodbath not two hours outside of the capital. The victor had spent the rest of the day raiding corpses for loot and patching up his own wounds, mistakenly believing himself to be the only knight headed to the princess. Still, this knight rode through the night; knowing that the sooner he reached the princess the sooner he’d be living luxuriously in the castle with his lovely bed servant bound to him by marriage. He was however, quite mortal, and did have to stop to rest by the morning.

Ross and the dragon managed to sleep an astounding 16 hours; they woke a few hours before dawn, hungry and ready to begin the day. Smith’s stomach growled and he crawled awkwardly out the doorway into the courtyard, he then took off to one of the neighbouring mountains and clutched up one of the animals living there.  When he landed, with a blast of fire, he proudly presented a scorched goat as breakfast.

After a tentative bite that left him gagging, Ross decided that Smith was an appalling cook. So instead he put his leg of goat down, and ordered the dragon to return with firewood, and vegetables. The dragons’ lower jaw jutted forward in a poor imitation of a pout, and after swallowing the goat whole he took off, apparently to fulfil Ross’ demands.

Left alone in the tower, Ross began scoping out the area, and at day break he headed to the library with the intent of drawing out some blueprints. But when he had sheaves of parchment spread across a table and a pencil in hand his sense of self-preservation finally caught up with him. ‘Why am I not running away?’ The dragon was gone retrieving a proper meal, the path out of the tower was clear, and Ross had had a proper education, he knew which plants he could safely eat. He could easily escape and go home, right now, the dragon might have been a strange creature and neglected to eat him thus far… but it was still a dragon.

Ross abandoned his barely begun building plans and fled from the tower, searching the skies for a sign of the dragon, and finding only clear skies, he began the long hike up a bordering mountain.

Trott relentlessly pushed Eric forward through the night, he was fearful of the knights on their faster horses, and the hours they had lost made him feel ill at the thought that perhaps some of the knights had surpassed him. He knew he shouldn’t blame Eric, the ostrich was just following its instincts to sleep and eat, the poor creature didn’t understand the urgency of the situation. “Come on Eric, I’ll give you a nice fat lizard to eat when we get back if you just go a bit faster.”

Eric wasn’t the most intelligent ostrich, but even he knew the word lizard. At the word he froze in place and his big eyes began darting around the forest landscape in search of his favourite snack.

Trott put his head in his hands miserably, if only he could teleport to the princess. Perhaps after he rescued him the royal family would allow him to poke around their immense libraries, surely the technology was there somewhere, waiting to be rediscovered. But he had to rescue the princess first, and to do that he needed to kill a dragon. Dragon, being a type of lizard… Trott grinned maliciously, “Come on Eric, go that way” he pointed forward, “There’s a lizard the size of our house over there… but you’ve got to get to him quick.”

Eric charged forwards at the direction given by his human friend, and finally they were moving at a pace almost equal to that of a horse. A few hours later, as the sun rose over the horizon, they reached the edge of the forest, and stared together into the great desert that lay before them.

Ross’ stomach was about to begin auto-cannibalising by the time Smith swooped down and plucked him off the ground. Back to the tower then, he would have to pretend that he had wandered off in search of a meal, anything to calm the angry dragon.

When they landed Ross noted that Smith had at least gotten the vegetables and firewood. Ross stumbled to give his explanation and was about to begin building a fire and cooking, but Smith, who had clearly not believed his story, wouldn’t let him. The dragon crowded him back into the tower, blocking the doorway with his massive figure.  Smith’s jaw set into a frown and Ross stumbled back, away from the dragon. ‘So this is how I die…’ Ross tripped backwards and landed on the bottom step of the towers staircase. Smiths’ paw came down beside him, and the dragons’ snout settled onto the floor at his feet.

Ross sat up on the step and peered downwards to the dragon. The dragon that still wasn’t trying to kill him, and even appeared to be pouting. Smiths’ tail flicked up to the ceiling and scratched into the soot, and Ross looked on, dumbfounded as the dragon **_wrote_**.

_‘Why did you try to run away?’_

Ross was shocked into silent contemplation; his need to run to the safety of his home evaporated, and was replaced with curiosity. “How…”


End file.
